It seems like the subject of infidelity is everywhere. Most of us know someone who has been affected by unfaithfulness in their relationship, or we have been the victim of infidelity ourselves. Recently, musician Jay-Z admitted to cheating on his wife, pop sensation Beyoncé. He spoke of the emotional toll that cheating has on a person saying, “The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself.” Unfaithfulness in a marriage is fairly common. In fact, surveys show that in a third of marriages one or both spouses admit to cheating. Approximately 22 percent of men surveyed admitted to cheating at some point in their lives, while about 14 percent of women admit to it. As any couple who has dealt with cheating knows, it can be devastating to a marriage.
Social Media and Smart Phones Have Changed Affairs
Couples therapist and noted author Esther Perel has spent much of her career helping couples navigate their marriage post-affair. She says that the popularity of social media and smart phones has changed the way affairs unfold. “It’s never been easier to cheat — and it’s never been more difficult to keep a secret,” she says. “The majority of affairs would normally have died a natural death. Today they are discovered primarily through the phone or through social media or through the computer.”
Our Expectations for Marriage
Perel also cites the increasingly unrealistic expectations for marriage as a reason that couples cheat. She explains that many individuals look to a spouse to not only be a life partner but to also be their best friend and soulmate. While it is obviously important that there be a romantic connection in a loving marriage, Perel believes that men and women are expecting too much from their marriage. A should be a source of companionship, economic support, and, when necessary, physical care, but he or she should not be the foundation of another person’s identity.
Some marriages can weather the storm infidelity causes, and others cannot. If you have reached a point in your marriage where you are considering divorce, you need an experienced Kane County divorce attorney to help analyze your situation and your available options. Call 630-377-7770 for a free consultation at Bochte, Kuzniar & Navigato, P.C. today.